I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
