1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
