Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
