I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
