there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
