What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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