I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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