guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
