WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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