I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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