Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
