at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
