Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The air was thick with penises
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
