this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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