Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
