he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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