First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
