She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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