Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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