So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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