i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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