What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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