i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
