I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
