someone threw a dead crab at me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
