Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
