Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
