fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
