??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
