Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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