oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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