Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
