i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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