We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
