My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize