dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
