being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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