Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
