Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Farmville is her only friend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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