I hate your face
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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