i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
