nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
