good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
