I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
