at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize