Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
