You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
