i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
