Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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