I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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