i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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