I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
