Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
