Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
