I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize