Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
