Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
