bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to cum in my sink.
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