I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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