May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
