You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
