I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
